Home
by Soul Under
Summary: They don't understand you the way I do; but that's okay. When there's no one else... I'll still be your home. Bittersweet.


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**i'll be your home**

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Kasuka can read him so easily that it's almost habitual – like breathing, and sometimes he doesn't even realize it. He's sitting on the living room couch, cuddled up in a blanket he pulled off his bed and he's watching re-run cartoons on the television. He didn't go to school today; his mom made him stay home due to the slight fever he had; even if it was nothing more than a mere cold. He's ten years old, and his mother has a tendency to dote and worry.

He feels pretty okay; nothing to fret about, and he has to glance up from the TV as the door slams open and Shizuo storms in. He watches his older brother pull off his scarf and winter coat with hasty, irritated motions and there a few scuffs and scrapes marring his cheeks and hands; he just got home from school. Kasuka already knows what's wrong from the movements alone, but he remains still on the sofa; face impassive and expressionless.

After he hangs his coat and kicks off his shoes, Shizuo catches sight of his younger brother and notes the rather calm atmosphere of the house. "Mom and Dad not home yet?" He questions with a huff, running fingers though his dark brown hair in an failed attempt to calm himself, and Kasuka looks down at the unopened pudding cup sitting on the coffee table – he got it out earlier, but didn't really feel like eating. He shakes his head in response to the elder's question.

Shizuo wipes his hands over his face; keeping them there for a moment as if making at move to hide himself, but finally he drops his arms. He regards his little brother from the doorway with a slightly lost look adorning his twelve year old face. He looks rather heartbroken, and Kasuka wonder's what it's like to feel something like that.

He shuffles heavily over to the sofa, and Shizuo plops down next to his younger sibling. He stares quietly at the television and watches the cartoons play across the screen and his chest feels tight. It's completely silent between them, save the happy laughter and chatter coming from the show that's on; and Shizuo pretends to be deeply interested in the program.

Kasuka continues to stare blankly at the coffee table as he snuggles a little closer into the blanket he has himself wrapped in, and he can see Shizuo shiver a little from beside him. He still feels a bit chilly from his fever, and there are goosebumps on his arms. This quiet isn't going to last long; and both of them know it.

Shizuo's eyes prickle and sting, and theres suddenly a thick lump in his throat and a tight knot in his chest. It's like he can't breathe, but he keeps his attention locked on the TV even as his vision gets blurry because his eyes are growing wet. A soft, barely noticeable exhale escapes from his mouth as a hot tear slips down his windburned cheek, and his nose is a little runny and stuffy from the sudden upset. He clenches his hands on his knees and he's shaking; trembling, and he can't tell if it's because of how hopeless he feels, or if it's because he's cold. Maybe it's both.

Another tear follows the first, and Shizuo has to sniff and take a few shaky breaths as more start to follow. The next thing he knows, he's crying miserably to himself on the sofa next to his little brother who makes no move to call him on it.

"D-dammit..." Shizuo mutters out and he brings his hands up to cover his eyes; wiping away itchy tears from his skin as he tries to keep himself from outright sobbing.

Kasuka already knows what this is all about – another fight at school, loneliness, and despair because no one wants to hang around someone like his older brother. Everyone always keeps their distance; too afraid - and they like to call him names because he's such a freak. Shizuo is in and out of the hospital due to having a frail body, yet an unbalanced combination of extreme physical strength. He's unhappy with his situation in life, even if he doesn't say anything about it.

His fever has gone down quite a bit, but he still feels a bit chilly inside and Kasuka unwraps the blanket enough so he can stretch his arm out. He reaches it around his older brother shoulders and pulls a little bit to gain his attention. Shizuo sniffs heavily and lowers his hands a little so he can look at his sibling in question; but his little brothers face remains as expressionless as always. Shizuo's cheeks are flushed and wet and tears are continuing to slip and fall from his lashes.

Kasuka pulls him close, tugging the blanket around him as he wraps his other arm around him until it's a tight hug, and they're both bundled up in the single blanket. Shizuo stares down at him for a moment and he opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but nothing but a miserable sob manages out and he lowers his head to press against the crook of his brothers neck.

The younger of the two remains still and silent as he has his head tilted just enough so he can continue to watch the cartoon on the TV. He keeps his arms locked around to Shizuo's back and he can feel him shake and tremble as small cries wreck his frame; but overall, he keeps his crying rather quiet, save the slight pants and sniffles he gives here and there. Kasuka can feel the wetness of his brothers tears against his neck and it's seeping though his collar, but it doesn't really bother him.

He's both good and bad at comforting people, to be honest. Kasuka can sense even the slightest changes in someone's emotions, but it can't be considered 'empathy' because he cannot 'feel' what they do. His body reacts on it's own; telling him to hug or provide physical contact of some kind, but he still feels as hollow and empty as ever. He thinks he'd prefer to be an emotional wreck like Shizuo, than be the empty shell he's slowly been turning into.

Shizuo starts to settle a little; breathing heavily from where he has his forehead pressed against Kasuka's shoulder, but he doesn't lift his face or move away. The elder does just the opposite, as he places his arms around his brothers midsection as to return the hug he is being given. He's calmed down, but he still feels just as upset and depressed as he did when he first came home. He's tired of getting in fights, and he's tired of people calling him names. He's tired of not having any friends.

Kasuka is still watching the show on the television, and he makes to move or acknowledgment to the way his brother is clinging back onto him. He keeps his arms locked in place, and the warmth that Shizuo is passing onto him makes him feel a little better in terms of the slight fever he still has; and his skin is no longer covered in goosebumps from the chill his body was believing him to have.

"...Nii-san?" He questions softly, not taking his mocha eyes away from the program being played. The elder brother in question makes a small noncommittal noise to show that he'd heard; a way of saying 'yeah' or something of the sort. Kasuka presses his cheek against the side of his brothers head and ignores the way the dark brown hair tickles his skin. "...Welcome home."

Shizuo shifts against him; leaning in just a little bit closer and making the hug just a little bit tighter.

"Yeah," he says quietly. "I'm home."

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an:

i came very close to crying while writing this.

please tell me what you think; i would love to hear from you.


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